Tonight I sleep in my car

So tonight will be day 1 of being "homeless". Funny thing is, I start a new job this week, but I dont have anywhere to live till around the first of the month. So, I am sleeping in my car. It's cold, but I have blankets so I should be ok. Also, I cant drive my car because it is not registered, and I dont have insurance. So it is just a tent with wheels at the moment. Good news is, I am alive and helathy. I have a job now selling computers for $8/hr+comission. I also should be getting the results of my LAFD written test this week, hopefully I will be scheduled for an interview soon. More bad news. My phone is disconnected again, and I owe lots of money to lots of people. This will be a tough year. I will keep my head down in the wind an d perservere. Cant let people stop me from doing what I want and need to do. If your plan doesnt go with mine then politely excuse yourself from my life. In 2009 I will create a better Bayano Ali Kamani, and the world will thank me for it. Till then I have to sleep in the car.

I need a Job

I need a job.

Double down DOW

Should I be playong the tables at Vegas instead of putting my money in an IRA? I put 7k in a Roth over 4 years ago, and i have made less than 5 percent gain, which I cant even touch unti I am old. Now, if I played that same money at Vegas I could easily make at least 50%. It's not safe you say? Lol. Look at what is happeneing to all those safe folk now. Plus, I know the market i am putting my money into. Whereas if i was puttinng my money in Smith Barney, I would have to trust some guy named Randy to make me money. Yeah, right. I only have 7gs in there.

So what do you think I should do?

Fatty Fat Fat

I need to start eating better. I have been doing pretty bad lately. I still look fabulous though. I should start my 3 day cleanse this week. Right after I finish this pint of ice cream....

Madden

I used to be pretty good at Madden. I suck now.

Fire CPAT

Today I went to orientation for the CPAT. It is the physical test you must pass to be considered for a position as firefighter. It was fun! Being a firefighter is my new dream job. All of the proctors that helped my group through each test were impressed with my rythym and pace. I asked the questions that i needed answered and answered any question the proctors asked my group. One thing i did notice that some of the member of my group started following my lead. i made sure i told each proctor thank you when we went off to the next station, by station 8 everyone was saying it! The last proctor told us that at the academy they can smeel out who is going to make it and who wont. I felt good because he gave me a compliment on how well I performed on the test.
It was just practice though. I take the test on the 9th of this month. The only test that I could see myself having problems with is the the ladder pull. I have to make sure I take my time and dont let the rope slip. Other than that I am golden. I am shooting for the top. i want to be a batallion leader in 8 years.

Un-complicated

I have learned when things are a mess it is usually because there is too much junk blocking the way. The hardest mess to clean up is your own.

The Hunt

Some men just have to hunt all the time, and when they find the one they just catch and release. It's not good.

Lightbulbs

I changed the lightbulbs in my apt today. Wow! What a difference some light will make. Not only does it make the place less dismal, but now i have more to clean. Living in the dark is never a good thing.

Friends

Friends are important. Get some.

Going tough

So I thought I had problems. While I have been wallowing in self pity my family is back home preparing for possibly the worst storm to hit the gulf in over a century. I called my mum to talk about what I should do, and how the job market in SoCal is at its worst ever, and she has to call me back because she is moving all the animals and plants in from outside! God has ways of making you listen. they aren't always fair. Actually they never are. I mean if someone has to force you to open your eyes what works better, asking nicely, or a cold bucket of water to the face? I love God. My God doesnt dance around like a fairy. He will slash and burn everything in the way until the point is made. But once the fire stops, the earth can be tilled and life can begin.

On Parole

I have been watching the HBO series OZ lately, and I have drawn some conclusions to prison and track and field. I feel like I have just been released from prison on parole. Yeah it is earlier than i planed, but now i am free to do what I want. BUT, when I was in prison I had a small sense of security. Sure, getting raped, spit on, threatened, and fearing for your life is what you would expect in prison, but you expect it. On the outside, it is worse because you expect things to finally start looking up. How silly. Where do you think you have been the last 10 years? In prison. Do you have any previous experience? No? Then what the fuck are you doing here? Oh, so you think you are to good to work retail? Haha, thats your problem. Good luck even getting a job buddy. We dont need you anyway. Besides the 2012 Olympic Games are 4 years away. No one gives a shit about your situation till then.
So you even though you got out early you still try to hold on to the one thing you know. Track. You try to use it till it ends up perpetuating the whole situation against you. Now you are back inside, but when you get out you already know what awaits you.

Labor Day

How ironic is it that I am looking for a job on Labor Day?

HOME

ahhhhhhhhhhh

Injuries

Plantar facitis
achilies tendonitis
tight calves
it band tightness
psoas tight
lower back tight
shoulder tight
rightness bruised
left knee strained
both hamstrings scar tissue

im sure i am forgetting something

Tired of Loosing

Im tired of loosing. I am tired of feeling like a looser. I am tired of people talking to me like a looser. Tired.

Where am I?: London

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London

On My Way to London

Im in the Brussels airport (no really!) headed to London to run for the first time ever.  I have always wanted to run at Crystal Palace.  The name sounds so spectacular and glamorus.  I cant wait to see what fate awaits me there.  It will also be my first meet on an 8 lane track in a while.  The stadium seat 16k+ people, and the meet is sold out as the U.K. gets to send its final fairwell to its Olympic Hopefuls.  I am going to ruin someones party when I get there. 

Samurai Champloo!

My new favorite Anime.  I am only on episode 14, but episode 13 and 14 are the best so far.  It has a clever mix of hip-hop music and fast paced fight scenes that make it enjoyable to watch.  

http://www.realitylapse.com/videos/samuraichamploo.php

Yourself?

What do you think of yourself?  Is it different than what people think of you?

Im Going To Surf

I am going to learn how to surf this year.  

Im Actually in Antwerp

10km from Brasschaat.  There is a movie theater here.  Might get to see Batman before I get home and everyone ruins it for me.

Alone

I dont have any friends.

Im Gonna Move

I think I am going to move from Santa Monica this year. I may move from the beach to the mountains so i can enjoy the outdoors. i can take my son camping, and go driving whenever i want. I should get a job that lets me be outside too. maybe a firefighter or construction worker. I dont know. i want to move though. I also want to take a photography class and learn 2 new languages. I think next Summer i will go to travel in Central and South America. What I will do there, I dont know, but I want to go into the wilderness.

Where am I?: Brasschaat, BEL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brasschaat

6 Lanes?

I haven't run on a 8 lane track since i have been here in Europe.  It is quite disheartening. Every race feels like practice when i am in the blocks.  I can't wait for London to get here.  I hope the weather co-operates with us.  I am probably going to skip my next meet in Belgium on the 23rd to train for London on the 26th.  Right now i am just trying to get some new spikes.  Mine are all old and tatered.  I can't wait for this year to be over with one way or another.  either i will be a champion or bow out.  I can't live like this anymore.  To know that you are faster than others, only not to perform at your best because of the lack of money or support is not a way to live.  I would not recomend to anyone to pursue Track and Field as a means of supporting yourself and your family.  

Viva Bayano

I have no reason to complain.  If I was to die today, i would leave this earth a happy man who loved, lived, created, and cultivated at least one life.  I have seen places that I didnt know exsited, and earned the respect of strangers.  I am an adventurer, and I dont think i will ever stop being one.  it complicates the lives of others around me, but I am a complete bore when I am not actively doing what makes me feel alive.  

If you know me, you know that Bayano can be very polar.  I am not bi-polar, I just enjoy what I enjoy and if I am not intrested I am really not intrested.  Ask my mum, she will vouch for this.  Some people can seem intrested in any subject.  It is hard for me to fake it.  I try for the sake of conversation, but i fail most of the time.  However, if I converse with someone about something I am passionate about I wont shut up.  My eyes light up with exctiment.  It feels good, and I  feel alive.   We should all have a passion.

Where am I?: Avila, ESP

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ávila

Slippery Slope!!

Whoops! lol :-)  I walked back on the "not cool" part. 

EuroSmoke

All of you in the U.S. I hope you realize how good we non smokers have it.  If you dont , take a trip to Spain.  The entire city smells like cigarette smoke.  It is impossible to eat inside, it is impossible to eat outside, it is impossible to avoid smoke period.  

I am a bit of a s anti-smoking snob.  Why?  Because it is gross and a major violation of my personal space.  How would you like it if a was to wipe my sweaty eyebrow and fling the sweat in your proximity?  Nasty right. 

If you are going to smoke you should wear a scuba mask that recirculates all the waste so that you can get all of that "good ole tabaco flavor".  Then you would be forced to share it with the rest of us.  

I wont mind...

Alcala, ESP Post Race

I ran my second race here in Europa this year in Alcala, ESP.  It was a disaster.  First, i felt crappy.  My allergies and asthma always bother me in central Spain due to the dry dusty climate.  Second, there was lots of confusion at the call room.  This is the first meet I have ever been to that that required a passport to check in!  needless to say, I didn't have mine, and the disgruntled lady behind the desk did not want to help.  So I just go to the start line and there is another problem.  I dont have a bib number on my back.  So, I had 3 Spainiards shouting at me that i could not run. 

On to the race.  I stumbled out of the blocks, then went to fast for the first 4 hurdles.  I slowed coming home then smashed the final hurdle and almost fell.  It took me 8 seconds to get from hurdle 10 to the finish.  It normally takes me 5.4.  Soooo, on to the next rinky-dink meet to work out the kinks.  Would be fun to run in a big race soo.  I have my fingers crossed for London.  

B

Where am I: Alcala, ESP

Alcala, ESP http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcal%C3%A1_de_Henares

Kortrijk

Pre race video

I Phone Friday!!

It is madness. All the way here in little Kortrijk Belgium Steve Jobs ( aka Willy Wonka ) has all the kids lined up at for a candy apple. I was just going on a morning run when i stumbled upon the line circling around the store. Of course the biggest geek was at the front. Props to him for standing in the rain for who knows how long. Hope it i worth it buddy. I am not an early adapter. Not that I dont appreciate them. Trust me; I do. If a great product and no one bought it then it would just fade away into vapor. It has happened before. Sega Dreamcast, cheap RWD cars, and minidisc are a few that I can think of that had great potential, but never grabed the attention of the masses.
Funny thing is Apple doesnt even sell to the masses. I guess it is similar to authentic Prada, Gucci, or Fendi bags meaning every woman that has a purse knows of them, but less than 1% actually own one (bootlegs exluded of course).
So I tip my hat to Steve for binging sexyback to tech. Your still an asshole though. :)

Where am I?

Kortrijk, BEL

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kortrijk

Dont Die Fucked Up

Dont leave this earth doing what someone else thinks you should do.


“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.”

Happy?

What does it take to really be happy? Is it possible to be happy everyday? How can you tell if you are genuinely happy, or just naieve?

I have had good and bad days. I have had alot of good days sequentialy, followed by a tandem of bad days. Why do I feel unhappy during the bad days. If you were to ask me ¨What makes you happy?¨ I could give a entire list of material things and abstact experiences. But on a bad day those things still exist. I have not lost ability to DO any of those things on the list. No, usually I am unhappy because of control. Loss of control freqks ,e out. I am not a control freak, but when the few things in my life start to squirm arwry I get antsy.

So if you find yourself unhappy because of how your day is going, sit down and think about what makes you happy that YOU can control.

Downward Swirl.

Have you ever watched shit go down the toilet?  I have.  It starts of slow and unassuming.   A nonchalant pace, as if it is only a slight disturbance in its rest.  Then the pace quickens, and gravity pulls it down.  Faster, faster, harder, harder, down it goes till it is out of control and all hope is lost for a safe return.  

That's what happens with shit.  Shit just stays there.  People say "Shit happens!" Yeah of course it does, but shit never makes anything happen.  Why, because it doesn't do anything.  Shit at its very best is only the waste of something that could have been spectacular.  To be fair sometimes shit gets a second chance, but you cant shine a turd can you? Nope.  So shit just happens all over again. Down, down, faster this time only to be forgotten before you even walk  out the door.  

So do yourself a favor.  When you feel a bump, pang, quiver, shiver, or thought that your situation is taking a "turn" for the worse, start swimming.  If you don't it will only get worse if you don't move. And you my friend will be forgotten even before the world washes it's hands.

America's First Hydrogen Station

Two blocks from my house.  I heard some balloons pop when I walked by and had the thought that all of Santa monica was going up in an atomic blast!  How safe is this stuff really?

Happy Birthday Joy-Joy

Happy Birthday Joy!  I love you.  I saw you being born.  

Does it Look Like i care?

Am I supposed show that I am not currently happy with my situation so that others will know that i am working towards fixing it?

Or, am I supposed to just be happy with it and let people think i am a looser?  

When I explain whats going on in my life currently I don't get the response " Yeah B you need to get on that."  It is usually " It will be o.k."  

And where is the line between feeling sorry for my self , and just frustration?  I think it is pretty thin.

I'm LOST ?

Your results:
You are Dr. Jack Shephard

You try to help people and do what is upright. You are very vigorous and people look to you for guidance.



Click here to take the Lost Personality Quiz


This sucks, because I am beginning to not like Jack very much. But i can see the resemblance. he is hot headed at times, and always thinks he is doing the best things for everyone.  He lets his emotions cloud his judgement though.  So he ends up regretting decisions he has made.  Oh, and he never tells the woman he loves that he wants to be with her.  He just lets her do her thing with Sawyer instead of fighting for her.  

Come on jack get it together man!  Get them handcuffs and strap Kate to the hatch and make her act right! 

Drawn Into a Fight

I cant stand being drawn into a fight. I guess that's why it's called "drawn", you are just a little cartoon to the one who wants to bicker and argue with you. So stupid. I am trying not to do things like that, but my silly Ego wont stand for it. I have to learn how to control that. I should draw myself into a calm place next time that happens. Plus, you will never win a fight you didn't start. The advantage in war always goes to the one who waits, not the one who advances. So, pick your battles carefully. you may never know, it may be your last.

I had Sex Today

Oh yeah. Daddy likes baby. mmmmmm yeahhhh

EGO- Enemy or Friend?

e·go (g, g)
n. pl. e·gos
1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.
a. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
b. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

ego
Noun
pl egos
1. the part of a person's self that is able to recognize that person as being distinct from other people and things
2. a person's opinion of his or her own worth


I think the ego is just a wolf in sheeps clothing. Constantly driving you to do what it wants by making you think it was your own bright idea. The ultimate con man.

food!

I found some chicken in my freezer.  Hoary for food!  

Things I am Thankful For

I am  Alive

I have been out of this country

I can read

I can write

I am not on drugs

I don't have a terminal illness

Books

I understand music

fans

friends

family

enemies

ice

fire

water

Final Fantasy

Baylor

Gran  Turismo 

optometrist 

legacygt.com

nasioc.com

waves

civil rights

prepaid sim cards

free incoming

skype

bluetooth

digital cameras

Internet

grass

shade

refrigerators

Chapelle's Show

The boondocks

Reason 4.0

Korg Triton

cheap fixes

bootlegs

noise canceling headphones

Napster

mp3

Hollywood

seat belts

canyon roads

indoor karting

rain

sun

boats

vacation

mail

email

text message

love

lust

truth

forgiveness

tact

forensic scientist

dinosaurs

Micheal Crichton 

cartoons

gravity

hope

fights

resolutions

compromise

flying fish

family together

comfortable silence 

understanding

optical mouse

Wii

second chances

how-to guides

list

To whom it may concern,

erased

Relax

If you can't relax then just do what this guy does.    

Fuck Track!

I hate this Fucking amateur sport! edited because i am a immature coward

Downhill Fun

I haven't been driving in over a year.  Cant be up all night if I am trying to be my best.  But the love is not gone, and I had some of the best time of life with my driving/car buddies.  There is a small group of us that take that road pretty serious.  Serious enough to sweep the dirt off the entire 5 mile stretch of road before we begin runs.   Good times.  

 Here are Joe and Sir Crashalot on an easy run.  Joe is in a BMW e46 M3 and Crash is in a 350z.  He later crashed it (go figure) drifting on the uphill.  He is crazy!  Joe is so smooth it doesn't even look like he is moving fast.  

Fit for a King?

You know you are broke when....

A four course meal consist of:

Saltine crackers

Ramen noodles 

Ham and cheese sandwich

Frozen kool-aid treat

and to drink ?  Watered down kool-aid with a splash of lemon.

Make a List

Feeling stressed? Make a list.  You will be surprised how easy it can be to alleviate that stress with some positive can-do planning. 

Sandwich Bags?

Why does a regular sandwich taste better when it comes out of a sandwich bag at a playground?  

Stop and Think

Do yourself a favor.  Stop and think before you act.

Glasses Punch?

You shouldn't hit a man with glasses on.  Only if you are provoked.  It is rude and embarrassing to the man with glasses.  Plus, you present him with the dilemma of whether to fight back, or go across the room and pick up his glasses.  Not cool.

"Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat."  -Homer Simpson 

Rollbar?

I don't know why convertibles don't come equipped with a roll-bar.  That the first thing I would add.  Look at the passenger.  Ouch! 

BIG B Happy

I have been here before.  I think I know now that God wants me to find happiness in the abstract. If I reflect on makes me unhappy 90% of the time, it's either loosing something or the fear of loosing it.  Well, now I say you can have it.   I am not saying that I am going to be a irresponsible wreck and deadbeat dad.  No, I am simply going to choose to be happy that I am alive and can walk out my door every morning and feel the sun on my face.  If for some reason I loose my ability to walk then at least I can watch the sunset.  If i cant see...  

I have an amazing gift, and I want see it reach its zenith.  

400H 1980-2004 Olympics

Gee Maestro

Gee Maestro is criminal intent
Cupboards are bare
And late on Rent
He went to the bank
Embarrassed to smile
And took out a loan
To survive for a while
He sold all he things
Like his car
And his shoes
But he only got pennies
So what should he choose?
To fight or to flight?
Which way should he go?
Should he keep his mouth shut
So no one will know.
But Maestro will manage
As he always does
And he will always remember
Those that he loves/

-Big B

Phone Off

My mobile phone service got disconcerted today.  Now I can no longer bother anyone.  Don't think I even want to turn it back on.  I should get a beeper.  

OMG!!11! Jet Powered Scoot!

Im a big deal

So today while i was doing my workout at UCLA in the hot So Cal sun, this lady walks up to me.

lady: "Hi, whats your name"

me:  "Bayano.  Bayano Kamani."

lady: "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen."

me:   "Uhhh.... Thanks?"  ( I am too modest. )

It was weird. I mean I am a handsome guy (thanks mom and dad), but I haven't had a complete stranger walk up to me like that.  Plus she was old, so I was even more flattered when she said "ever".  It was nice though.  I guess that was my reward for bringing my coach a cool drink to practice today.  

Sharing is Caring

I am selfish person.  Starting today I will attempt to give to at least one person everyday.  Words of affection and gifts of kindness are all acceptable forms.  Lets see if giving is actually better than receiving.

A Sweetcar I Desire

So I went to a local car meet tonight to hang out with some other car nerds for a while and chop it up.  Car nerd meets are great for a few reason.

1. It gets a bunch of social inept men to meet face to face.

2. A common language is already set in place.  

3. Lets you geek out on things that would have your layman friends second guessing why they put you in their top 8 on myspace.

But there is always the guy that makes all the nerds look cool.  It may be they flashy guy that knows nothing about his car except how much it cost to have everything installed. Or it could be the middle aged gent who drives out in his Caterham Lotus 7 replica but admits to never taking it to the track because it is too expensive.  I meet the later today.

First let me say that all cars are meant to be driven.  Hard.  There are no exceptions to this rule.  And if you have a 70k purpose built 1100lb 210 hp beast, then it should never see under 5k on the tachometer.  This guy went on about how he has this and that, and that his car is so great and expensive, but he says he wont go to a track day because it cost 500 dollars.  I don't know about you, but if I plan to invest 70k of my money in a car that can't haul anything but ass, then I think $500 every couple months shouldn't be an afterthought.  Needless to say when the guy left he got roasted.  But that's how it is.  It was a sweet car though.  x

Chill Pill

"For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." -Big B

I think I need a chill pill.  I've got a feeling that I am starting to annoy people I care about.  Maybe its because I am anxious to run, or just the fact that I miss my loved ones, but I should take some time out.  No one really calls me.  And when I call them it seems like I am interrupting something.  

 Today my physio told me I ask alot of questions.  Well, I just want to know how I can do all I can do while I am not there to take care of myself.  How ill I know if I don't ask?  I would love for people to think highly enough of me to ask me a question pertaining to their well-being.  

I think I just have small anxiety attacks or something.  Now that I think about it.  I'm gonna just chill out then. Everything well be fine.  Too much damn stress.  How am supposed to see 100 living like this?   I can feel the tension in my neck.  I have to release it somehow.  

Ice Massage

On another note. Ice massages work wonders. Try it.

1000 words

I honestly think I am a good guy. I watched this video today of a Lawyer speaking to a pre-law class on how you shouldn't talk to the police. EVER. No matter what you say it can be used AGAINST you in the court of law. Everything you tell the officer can be used against you in court. Crazy thing is that you cant call upon that same officer to bail you out in court. If you ask him to testify on what you told him the other lawyer will object because it is hearsay. Point is shut up or get burned.

My life is like that. Sometimes it seems like I cant do anything right. I talk and I get burned. I dont talk and I am somehow admitting guilt. It's crazy. Actions speak louder than words, but it is usually lost in translation. Whats a guy to do?

Good Workout Today

I had a great workout today. Excellent actually. My tendon was a little sore warming up was was fine once I started running. I did a full workout with now pain. I am pleased. I felt really good. I'm going to ice now.

The Mental Battle

So I am going to step on the track tomorrow with the intent to workout at 100%.  Currently my achilles is still a little swollen.  It doesn't hurt all the time.  If I run in flats it doesn't hurt at all.  When I get in the spikes I feel it for the first few strides.  Fuck it.  If it going to implode on me then oh well.  I can't afford to sit around in the pool much  longer.  I know it will never be 100% better.  I would be waiting around for months for that.  I will try to get that wacky laser treatment done tomorrow.  Also looking into acupuncture.  I don't know why my muscles are always tight.  I have been like that since I was young though.  Doctors always made sure to tell me how strong and defined my hamstrings are.  I'm just tired of getting out of bed wondering if the first step is going to feel better than yesterdays.   x 

My Son

I love my son Bayano.  

The Happening

It is not a good movie.  

Wii Answers Prayers

My lil bro got me a Wii for fathers day!  He is awesome.  I think Che is the most giving person that I know.  I cant think of many times he put himself before others.  I wish I could say the same for myself.  One day he will be a  very good father himself.  I am glad i have a brother like him, and Bayano Jr has him for a Tio.  Thanks Tio Che'!

Still in the Game

Well, in the past week I had my car towed twice, my new mac stolen, Achilles still injured, and a slew of other things that I am trying to forget. Oh, I don't know where my girlfriend is.  So, I am trying to focus on what I need to do.   Run Fast.  Unfortunately, my tendon is keeping from unleashing my furry on the track, also I cant ride my bike or walk like I usually do.  Add on top of that the fact that I am broke and you have one bored B.  If anyone has something to do please let me know.  I am wishing I had cable t.v. now.  I wanted to drive up to S.F. to see Mike in concert, but I cant afford the trip.  Plus, sitting in the car wont help my legs.   I would rather be in Europe bored than here bored.  If my computer wasn't stolen I would do some music.   Ah well.  

My Bud Mike

Mike and his manager Matt eating crap.

Took this pic after I heard Mike on the radio for the first time!

Mike and his girl Tara

Today in NY I went and spent some time with my best bud Mike Aguilar.  Mike and I met in 2003 with the Santa Monica Track Club.  Besides track Mike and I share similar int rest, particularly in musical production.  We quickly bonded and Mike and I quickly became good friends during his stay in Los Angeles.  Mike is 1/2 of the group "Kidz In the Hall".  They are having a breakout year.  I am proud of Mike.  He really put allot into his music and his has a good idea of wee he wants to go.  He has surrounded himself with the right people, and is starting to see the hard work pay off.  

--Bayano

Coast to Coast

I'm in New York.  Wow!  This place is crazy.  There is something about real cities that gets my energy going.  I don't know if its all the life flowing through the streets, or the constant movement and lights.  I like it.  I got some pizza, went to my room, and watched the 2 hour season Finale of LOST.  I wish Lache' was here.  We would go see Sex In The City.  

Currently I am in the lobby were the free Internet is.  I sure am glad more hotels offer free Internet somewhere.  I remember having to roam the streets to find a wifi signal. 

 Anyway I'm in the Big Apple.  The smell of the Atlantic is different than the Pacific.  I would say the Atlantic is more like Irish Spring, while the Pacific smells a little mild like Lever 2000.  Not quite as strong, but both are refreshing.  

I am staying on Pacific time.  I put in allot of work to get on a good sleep schedule.  I am not going to mess it up now.  Besides, I run at 6pm eastern.   I'll be up reading, or writing a story for Baby B.

--Bayano

Let It Happen

"Let It Happen."  

--Lache' Niare Bailey  2008

Yeah, I crack myself up too.

I Don't Care

I don't care.

I've tried being nice.

I don't care.

I've tried being mean.

I don't care.  

Do what you want.

I don't care.  

Bayano will just be himself. 

I don't care. 

Fuck everybody else.

I don't care.  

When I die you don't have to bury me.

I don't care.  

Just let me rot where I lie. 

I don't care.  

When I win the Olympic games, you don't have to call.  

I don't care.  

When I make 6 million dollars don't call me.  

I don't care.  

I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!  

"Please"

Have you ever noticed how much people say "I'm sorry"?  And I don't mean I just burned a hole in your shirt ironing I'm sorry, but more like I'm sorry could you repeat that again.  What are you feeling sorry for?  It's not your fault.  I find myself doing the same, but not with the words I'm sorry.  I tend to do be what I call the "middle child mediator".  While growing up back home I didn't think I was the apple of either of my parents eye.  My older sister was my daddy's girl, she never got in trouble.  While my younger brother was mommas boy.  He and my mom share very similar interest, so it was easy for them to bond.  My younger sister got attention from both.  

I on the other hand felt like I had to make myself comfortable in the middle.  I always felt like I had to accommodate to people to make them like me.  I never really blew up at anyone or expressed my feelings out of fear that they will get mad at me for doing so.  How stupid is that!  I was very quite growing up.  I just didn't want anyone to get mad at me.  I didn't like the feeling of being disliked, or unapproved.  These feelings made me shy and timid in social settings.  I guess I just took out the risk factor of getting a bi red x on my paper by not even turning it in.

As an adult I can say that I have changed.  Some.  I still put other people's happiness before my own at times.  My mom says I am easy going.  I guess that's the nice way of saying you are a push over.  There must be balance between polite and Mikey from the life cereal commercial.  I don't want people to look at me and think " Lets give it to Bayano, he will eat anything."  

Another point of self reflection I have noticed is that I tend to dress rather defensive.  Only when I am feeling bold will I put on my cool shoes.  Back in the "pre-party" days (03-04)  I had a pair of "celebrity shoes"  I would wear them when I went out no matter were we went.  The were these ugly greenish-brown nikes.  I would tell myself that I am cool, and since I am so cool you want me.  You know what?  I violated more dress codes, and got into more A list celebrity parties than any of my friends that were dressed "appropriate"  It just goes to show that a little self confidence can go a long way.

I'm just rambling on about myself today, I have been doing alot of thinking on what will makes  me happy.  What makes you happy?

Ti is one of my favorite quotes from the book  Dune

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pas over me and throuh me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain."

--- Frank Herbert, Dune

FEAR

It's a beautiful day outside and you are walking down to your favorite spot to relax.  You decided to take a shortcut behind  an apartment building to the get to the store to pick up a  snack.  You are thinking about how great yesterday was when suddenly a large man with a bat comes runnin towards you! Your heart stammers as he lifts the bat to swing at your face.  You lift your hands in defense...

WEAK!!!!!    How does that make you feel?  Are you in control of that situation?  Lets try again.

 

It's a beautiful day outside and you are walking down to your favorite spot to relax.  You decided to take a shortcut behind an apartment building to get to the store to pick up a snack.  You are thinking about how great yesterday was when suddenly a large man with a bat comes running towards you!  Your heart stammers as he lifts the bat to swing at your face.  You raise your hands and poke his eyes out leaving him squirming on the ground in agony.

Feel better now?  I'm not saying that everyone will be able to take out a large man with a bat and the element of surprise, but you are in charge of how YOU handle the situation.  Take action. The word aggressive comes from the Latin root "to move forward", so make the first move.  Its all starts in your head.

-Bayano

Live Forever

Today is Memorial day here in the United States.  We celebrate those that gave their lives in battle.  I believe it is every mans dream to be remembered for the rest of time.  We can only do so much while alive, but if our efforts continue after we are gone then they may one day be completed.  I don't believe anything there is much that can be accomplished in one lifetime that will truly change the world.   However one can be the catalyst that we spark a revolution.  

Live your life to the fullest and don't let people shame you into recoiling into social ambiguity.

Thrive and be bold! This is the time to throw the first stone that will create the ripples in the lake. If you hold onto that stone your whole life you might as well live under it.  When I die I want God to tell me "Nice throw Big B!"  

Foci

Now that the international track and field circuit is entering full swing, before the murderous trials of respective nations, the mad dash to push your mind and body to perform in unison in apparent.  Not only is it difficult on myself, but to all those I come in contact with.  As a aspiring athlete, I have become undeniably selfish.  The closer I get to competition the more my attention begins to shift from to that single goal.  

I have read that Navy SEALS are trained to select their targetsbased on a matrix called CARVER.  Each possible target is assessed by importance, accessibility. and reward.  

Once a target is selected you have to select a weapon to take out the target.  The weapon you choose will determine your movement.  I have chosen my target, selected my weapon, and have begun my hunt to destroy my target.   

Everyone Lies

It's the truth!

Enjoy Your Struggles

As the seasons change here in sunny So cal I cant help but feel the nostalgia off my hometown of Houston,TX.  The smell of a warm track always sends  chill down my spine.  I have been competing in track and field for almost 20 years!  I complain allot, but I truly am a blessed individual.  When I was younger I didn't think about where track would take me, I just enjoyed going out there and kicking ass.  I don't think I was physically superior to anyone out there, rather it was my mental toughness that triumphed.  I see the same in my 2yr old son.  He does not give up  He likes to climb up the slide backwards and will not stop till he gets to the top.  He doesn't ask for help, and enjoys every minute of it.  I think we should ll be more like him

To Love

LOVE

Finding that someone special is not as easy as it looks on the movies.  I really think t.v. has ruined romance.  I am not a romantic at all, but I really think that Holywood as infused into women, and men, the idea that romance is just a bunch of akward moments strung together by a series of unfortunate events.  No.  Real romance is trust and comitment. Like I said, I am not a romantic.  I have lied before when the truth may or may not have been easier.  Why? I thought i was "protecting" someone.  But when you dont tell the truth you just closing the door on your mate. Most relationship start off with honesty coming out of the ears, but it fades as feeling grow.  To "protect and serve" is the mantra for the modern man.  O, how confused we are.  

Out,

Bayano

Backpacks?

Exscuse me sir...

Ugh! Here we go again. Why do I have to leave my bag at the front of the store? No, I am not going to do it. Call the cops then.

What is the deal with this? Why can a woman go into the store with a huge "purse", but a man cant get by with a backpack? Is this even legal? I dont think it is. I mean if something happens to my bag while it is in the front of the store who is held accountable? Plus my neighboorhood store has a securtiy gaurd there. So have him follow me around the store. Im used to that anyways. I encourage everyone out there to stand up to the "backpack blockers". Dont let them make you set your bag with them. It is not legal. (I think its not)

Good Morning

So I decided that I am going to send everyone in my phone a text message in the morning reading "goodmorning". Its funny what responses you can get when doing something just for the hell of it. Most just dont reply, while other ask if it was a mass message. Does it matter? All it said was good morning! If the message were to read "I hope you have a horrible day today.", I am sure I would have recieved many messages asking what is wrong with me. Why cant people just take good news without being skeptical?
Those who love you will always be grateful that you stop by to say hi, now matter how brief or impersonal it is.

goodmorning

-Big B

Welcome!

Checking 1. 2. a 1. 2. This thing on?.....